Why CHANGE when everything seems so fine and dandy and perfect and swell? Why change when you could not ask for anything more? Why change when you’re so used to what you have? Why change when everyone else is still the same?
Because change is what makes us feel most alive.
I think I have lived a fair part of my almost-21 years with change, not because I strive for it but because it is inevitable, powerful and inescapable.
But change can also start with you, a conscious effort and an initiative.
I’ve made a few major changes in my life these past few days and few minor "adjustments". I know I’ll never be the same person. And I do regret doing most not because they’re bad and unjust but because I would not forgive myself if I allowed those instance to pass. My decisions are not products of hasty discernment, mind you. I have really weighed them and careful thought about all of them. I must admit they are not the best but they are without a doubt the most proper and most fitting and most righteous choices I think I have ever made, or so I thought.
Sadly, I think I have lost close relationships.
I wish tomorrow I wake up with no regrets.
IMPOSSIBLE.
Do you know what hurts the most? Letting go of people who have earned your trust and those you have learned to love only to realize almost too late that you don’t mean as much.
Way way dramatic. I must say, right now I don’t give a damn if I sound like some poor idiot who feels so sorry for herself and so self-pitying. Whatever you may infer from this entry, be my guest.
I just want to take this chance to take a step forward leaving behind things, thoughts and people who make me feel least ALIVE.
Labels: On Bug, On Personal Thoughts
Why’d he have to be so unbreakable?
Sometimes you think he’s slowly letting you in on his life, his secrets, his thoughts, and even the seemingly most "senseless" things he has to say. But predictable he is, he’ll shut you off. Not the tackless, rude, sudden "let’s-not-talk-about-it-anymore type of ‘brush off’" but the polite, almost subtle, and humorous kind which makes it hard for you to be outraged and frustrated.
There is such a thing as personal space anyway. I dare not probe and poke and prod or whatever. So I respect people’s privacy. BUT arrrgghhhh… why can’t I just probe and poke and prod or whatever?
He’s like a rock.
A ROCK.
They’re common but innately unique. They’re solid but you know at one point, they’ll break into pieces. They’re so there, so magnificent, so visible but sometimes unreachable.
A PARADOX. Unfathomable.
He’s unbreakable.
And I’m just standing here. Wishing I were unbreakable too. Wishing most selfishly he’ll break down in the most human, most real, most unarming way possible. He’s human.
But perhaps, I’m not the one to make him realize that he can’t live like the world’s going to hurt him or break him into pieces. That’s his own lesson to learn. Where has he been anyway? The world’s out to get everyone. I want to be the one who’ll make him realize that yes, it’s a big bad world, but trying not to be a part of it isn’t helping. And maybe if he bled a little he’d realize that hurt and pain is part of who are, like the blood that runs through our veins. Goodness! Not making any sense am I?
But there. Mr. Unbreakable, I’m hoping that maybe someday if I’m not too tired of waiting, you’ll get back to me sans those walls of yours.
Labels: On Bug, On Personal Thoughts
The Fantastic Four with Lolo Dad and cousins.
The Fantastic Four with Mom and cousins.
The Fantastic Four with My generation. My cousins.
And this is the only picture I'm in. Haha:) Lola Estela's line.
And because of work too, I wasn't able to see Miss Bindoy 2009 and I wasn't able to go up on stage to give the award (Online Choice Award). BTW, I made the Miss Bindoy 2009 official website.
And because of work too, I wasn't able to attend Baby Sean's baptism in Calatrava. I'm his Ninang. :)
And because of work too, I wasn't able to rest during the holy week because I had to work.
And because of work too, I wasn't able to spend much time with Manang Belle. At some point, I felt guilty for it because she was the one who "entertained" me when I was in Manila last September.
And because of work too, I wasn't able to spend time with Wing on her birthday celebration at Hayahay.
Work's been messing with all my plans but, oh well, this is how it is in the corporate world. I just have to deal with it. But I really had a hard time dealing with the fact that I had to cancel on the Bora trip (with Kuya A, Ate Liz, Wing, and cousins) this May 1-3 because of work!
Labels: On Personal Thoughts, Over Coffee
